FuTuRE S0uL
by jbskyyy
Summary: Chapter -4 - Jane has a big birthday coming up. Maura wants to know what Jane wants for a present. Jane surprises Maura with her answer. Rated M :)
1. Chapter 1

A/N- Warning trigger

Future Soul

Jane's birthday was coming soon. The birthday she had dreaded most all of her life. Her 30th birthday was in a day. It was the birthday she considered to be the official end of her youth. She would consider herself to be old and useless from that day on. Of course she had decided all this to be the facts that would happen to her at thirty years old at age sixteen. Jane had always believed and stuck with this philosophy since her sixteenth birthday.

She sat in the dark on her couch all alone in her apartment. She was drinking whiskey out of a shot glass . Which she kept drinking and refilling .

Jane was getting drunker as she was reviewing her whole life up to now. She wanted to know how and why she ended up here on her couch like this, drunk and alone? She starts listing everything one by one in her life and how they happened to her. She listed how things were and how she had wanted them to be by the time she was thirty years old.

Jane wrote down on a list. First her job , she always wanted to grow up and be a cop. Now she has achieved that and is a highly decorated homicide detective. Actually that was more than she had even hoped for herself. Jane lifts her shot glass up and cheers herself for job well done.

"Check , good job on that Rizzoli."

Jane refills her shot glass then sits back on the couch looking at it. She looks up and the room starts to spin . She shakes her head to try and make it stop. It does little but she feels like she is swimming through the thoughts in her head.

She clears her throat loudly "Okay get it together Rizzoli. You need to get your shit together before Maura comes over. Alright next on my list ...my love life ."

Jane falls over onto the couch as she breaks out into sad laughter at the thought of her nonexistent love life . She gets back up laughing she picks up the glass and downs the whiskey.

"Ahhhh whoo , love life yeah right. Skip that for a second. Next on my list , stop talking out loud to myself or I'm going to get locked up somewhere." Jane smiles at her own joke.

Jane's front door swings open and she strains her eyes to see the person. But holding up her hand to block the bright sunlight streaming through the door all she sees is a dark outline of a woman.

The room fills with a blinding bright light as the woman flips all the lights on in the apartment. Jane covers her eyes with both hands and yells.

"Turn them off ,turn the lights off ! Ahh I can't see ,turn it off , please."

The woman turns off all but one of the lights . Jane hears the familiar sound of a small laugh coming from the woman. Jane keeping her eyes covered as she tries to recover from the blinding light.

"Maura is that you?"

"Yes Jane it's me."

Maura covers her mouth with her hand to hide her smile from Jane. But she lets another small laugh escape from her hand covered mouth.

Jane grins as she hears the laugh. Maura's laugh had always made Jane feel warm and fuzzy inside but she never knew why. She really didn't care why either because it just made her happy. And there wasn't too many things anymore that made her happy. So she never over analyzed the whys of her happiness until today with her list.

Patting the seat on the couch next to her Jane uncovers her eyes seeing Maura. Who's beauty has always been an overwhelming vision part dream and part reality to Jane. She smiles up at Maura.

"Come sit with me and drink ? I'm warming up getting ready for my birthday."

"I'm here to find out what you want as a present for your birthday." She suddenly notices Jane has been drinking ."You're intoxicated aren't you? I can tell by your heavy lidded eyes and the start of slurred speech."

Jane fills her glass again. She then holds up the half empty whiskey bottle for Maura to see as she downs the full shot glass with her other hand.

"Ahhhh , you couldn't tell I was drunk by the half empty bottle ? Wait here I'll get you a glass." Jane laughs as she tries to stand to go get another glass for Maura. Jane stumbles and falls back down into the couch. Maura blocks her when she tries again.

"No that's okay Jane I don't want a glass. I came by also to see how you were doing. You have seemed a little depressed all day. You want to tell me what's bothering you?"

Waiting on Jane's answer Maura scans the apartment . Out of the corner of her eyes she sees Jane's gun laying on top of the coffee table next to the half empty Jack Daniel's bottle. Maura panics as she thinks depression alcohol and guns definitely do not mix well. So before Jane could sarcastically respond to her she tries to calmly speak.

"Um Jane why isn't your weapon in your safe ? Isn't it where you always put it when you get home?"

Jane takes a deep breath in and lets it out slowly . She was only trying to make the room stop spinning but it was making Maura nervous.

"When I got home all I wanted to do was drink and fill out my list. I guess I just forgot to lock up my gun."

Jane saw the worry in Maura's eyes . She tries to calm Maura's worries about her.

But in Jane style it comes out sarcastic .

"Don't worry Maura I'm not suicidal. I'm only twenty-nine I won't be suicidal until I officially turn thirty." Jane laughs, but Maura doesn't laugh.

"Jane that's not funny. Don't even joke about suicide. There are too many people who love you so much for you to even think that way Jane."

Jane mumbles as Maura got up. "Yeah but not the one I really want to love me."

Maura picks up Jane's gun to go and put it in her safe for her. She hears Jane mumbling as she walks into Jane's bedroom and locks up the gun. She made her way back to Jane relieved the gun was safely locked up.

Jane's mumbling was so soft and garbled Maura couldn't make out everything she had said, she sits back down and asks,

"What ? I couldn't hear what you said. All I heard you say was "Not the one . Not the one what Jane?"

It was Jane's turn to panic. The sudden panic begins to sober her up. But she wasn't sure now was the right time to profess her love for Maura , but that time would soon be here. She searches for something to respond to her with.

"Look Maura you're only twenty-nine you have no idea what I'm going through. I'm not suicidal . I just feel like my life is ending. Well not ending but a big part of it is ending. My youth will be gone, I'll be … just old I guess. I'm just going over all my youthful dreams to see if I accomplished anything in my life so far. You don't have to worry , really Maura don't. As for what you didn't hear I was just commenting on my nonexistent love life, that's all."

Maura tilts her head to the side looking at Jane wondering.

"Aww Jane you are still young, thirty is not old. Besides I thought you were interested in someone romantically? Didn't you tell me at Dirty Robber last week you wanted to tell someone you were in love with them?"

Jane scrunches her face looking at her trying to remember when she said that to her.

"That , was that the night I drank way too much and you had to drive me home? Because I don't remember too much about that night."

"Yes that night Jane. You told me you have loved her for a long time and.."

Jane nervously cuts her off fast to make sure she heard her right, "Her?"

Maura grins "Yes she is what you told me. You went on for an hour or so just describing how beautiful she was to you. You started to tell me how you would make love to her but then you started to pass out before you could finish." Maura fans herself remembering "It was interesting , I wouldn't mind if you wanted to tell me again ...well without passing out this time. It was very eye opening and very hot."

Jane was so embarrassed she couldn't remember what she said that night. She throws her face into her hands hiding from Maura. She talks through her fingers to Maura.

"Oh God I'm so sorry and embarrassed. I.. I didn't say who though right?"

Maura smiles and rubs Jane's back trying to comfort her embarrassment.

"Oh Jane it's nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of...really it's not. You didn't say who but to be honest I was a little jealous. I know that we're only best friends but this mystery woman seems to have your full attention and to be honest I feel a little left out and jealous."

Jane was getting too much information all at once. She just tried to hide deeper into her hands. Maura watching what she said wasn't helping Jane she decided to confess something personal she had never told Jane before to try to ease her embarrassment.

"Jane please don't be upset. Let me tell you something I was afraid to tell you before. You think that would help ease your anxiety a little?"

Jane confused but curious, she thought Maura had told her everything about herself to her. Jane takes her face out of her hands. She sits up straight looking into Maura's eyes to see if she was serious. Jane pours herself another shot and downs it.

"Yeah Maura go ahead shoot . Wait you have to drink at least one shot I think that might help me too. Not being the only one drinking is uncomfortable for me. Maura I thought I knew everything about you already. Is this something new that just happened?"

Jane fills her own shot glass full and slides it in front of Maura to drink. Maura smiles and pushes Jane's glass back to her. Maura grabs the Jack Daniels bottle and turns it up to her mouth and takes a long drink straight from the bottle. Jane's eyes grew big impressed with Maura.

"Wow Maura what the hell are you going to tell me? Is it that big that you need to get drunk first?"

Maura laughs loudly then covers her mouth quickly "No it's not big. I'm just trying to catch up with you a little."

Jane grins nodding at Maura "Okay then tell me I'm getting curious."  
Maura takes another drink from the bottle sets it down looks at Jane.

"I've only loved three … No wait let me just say it this way. Um..I didn't think this would be this difficult to tell you. Okay well it's not something that has recently happened but still I never told you. Ah well, I've been with women before...um sexually that is Jane."

Jane wasn't sure she heard her right but knew she needed to answer . She took her time trying to word her response back. Jane wanted to try and make it sound surprised but not hopeful as she was getting . But then she got angry when she realized Maura had slept with women. Why was she having sex with women besides her.

Jane accusingly asks "Who?...I mean with who? Do I know ..any of them?"

Maura didn't like her tone of voice. She knew Jane was upset with her for not telling her.

" Jane don't make me feel sorry telling you? I don't think you need to know who. But I will let you know that you don't know any of them."

Jane was really angry now. "Them? Why , why the fuck didn't you tell me? I've been in my own personal hell worrying about telling you. And I'm only attracted to one woman . I've never even had sex with a woman before and you...you are just going around acting like a sl.."

Maura stops her she puts her hand over Jane's mouth.

"Jane stop it! Don't you dare say anything I'll never be able to forgive you for. I know you've just had too much to drink so please think before you say anything else. Remember I love you , you're my best friend okay?"

Jane slowly removes Maura's hand from her mouth with her hand. Feeling guilty now for almost calling Maura a slut. She hangs her head .

"Sorry Maura really I am sorry. You're my best friend and I love you too. You just surprised me with that I guess I wasn't ready to hear that. I mean I've been struggling with telling you. And apparently I already kinda did tell you and don't remember it. But I guess I just didn't tell you who."

Smiling again accepting always Jane's apologies says teasingly "So tell me who is this sl...I mean tell me her name. Do I know her?"

Laughing Jane seriously debates on whether to tell her it's her or not. She then gets an idea to see if Maura is attracted to her or not. Jane decides to say it like a joke just to put out her feelers to see how Maura really feels about her. Jane sits up straight on the couch straighter than she ever had before. She adjusts her clothes and tosses her hair back out of her face. She faces Maura looks seriously at her. She picks up her shot glass ready to down it if she doesn't get the reaction she wants she'll drink the whiskey.

Jane's voice now raspy and deeper from drinking whiskey clears her throat.

"Um Maura ,okay but first when you came in you asked me what I want as a present for my birthday right? "

Maura nods hopefully "Yes please , just name it."

"Okay um …I , well what I want more than anything in the world doesn't cost any money."

"Really? Now I'm really curious Jane. Come on tell me please?" Maura leans in closer and grabs Jane's hand.

Nervous as hell Jane's hand starts shaking. Which doesn't goes unnoticed by Maura. She squeezes Jane hand with hers.

"Maura I want one night."

"One night? To do what I don't understand Jane?"

"I want one night with the woman I'm in love with."

Maura is a little disappointed she hoped it had included her somehow.

But she puts on a smile and says "Well okay then, just tell me who she is and I'll see what I can do?"

Jane sees a little sadness in Maura's eyes and gets hopeful it's about her. Jane sits her still full shot glass down on the table.

"Wait not so fast. First let me tell you what I want out of the one night."

Maura laughs interrupting "Yeah I think I know what you want to happen."

Jane fakes being insulted by Maura . She teases Maura as she grabs her chest "Maura well I never!"

Maura laughs harder "Yeah I know you haven't and that's why you want to do it on that one night."

Jane smiling play slaps Maura's arm "Quit it ..I'm serious, I have a whole list of things I want the woman to know before she spends the night with me."

"Oh so you're are going to make her jump through hoops to have sex with you huh?"

Jane is now really offended by what Maura said and debates whether to tell her the details and it's all about her.

"No Maura of course not. It's just I want to be completely open and honest before anything happens. Plus you know give her options or an easy out of the night. So we can spare each other from hurt feelings."

"Oh Jane okay I'm sorry. I thought you were joking. But go ahead and tell me if you want me to relay the list to her."

"No I'm serious really Maura.I want her to be completely comfortable being with me. I want her to know exactly where I stand and how I feel about her."

"That's very considerate of you Jane. Plus very sensible to discuss things first. Do you know if this will be her first time having sex with a woman or not?"

Jane realizing now Maura has been with more than one woman .

"Pffft yeah she has." Jane catches herself and tries to recover. " I mean yeah I think she has been with a woman ."

"Oh good that should make it a little easier for you Jane. Now you only have to worry about your own feelings that your going through."

Jane is getting aggravated with Maura treating her like a child.

" It's not like I'm a virgin Maura . God I know what sex is like."

Maura nods "Yeah but you don't know what it's like with a woman."

"Really? Is it really that much different? I don't think so Maura c'mon really?"

Maura raises one eyebrow and grins at Jane . "Yes Jane it really is that different."

Jane raises both eyebrows in surprise and laughs "Really Maura it's that different huh, how ? No , no never mind I want to find out for myself."

Maura laughs nodding her head at Jane. "Okay Jane give me your list , is it a long list? Never mind just tell me her name and I'll try and wrap it all up as a present for your birthday."

Jane chuckles "Is it a long list? No Maura it's not that long. I just want us both to go into it with our eyes wide open you know what I mean?"

Maura pats her on her thigh "Yes I do. It's just very unlike you is all. I mean you're usually the type that just goes head first into new things without thinking them through."

Jane shakes her head and jokes "Yeah I know. But that was the young me. The old me is going to be more cautious . Isn't that what old people are supposed to do?"

"Oh c'mon Jane you're still young."

"I am until tomorrow then I'm going to be old."

They both laugh and Jane picks up her list of things for her one night. Jane reads over her list .

"Well basically Maura I only want her to know two things. I'll tell you that then I'll tell you the list of how I intend to do those two things okay?"

Maura slyly smiles sideways at Jane "Well if it's anything like what you were telling me at the Dirty Robber that one night the woman isn't going to turn your offer down."

Jane blushes just imagining what she could've told her that night.

"Oh I don't know about that. But listen the two things are. One I want to tell her how much I love her. Then two I ah want to...ah...well then I want to show her how much I love her." Jane shyly turns away knowing her face is blushing bright red.

Maura takes the list out of Jane's hands and folds it in two.

"Okay then Jane all I need is her name now."

Maura opens up the list and begins to read it waiting for Jane to give her a name. Jane struggles with telling her it's her as she watches Maura read her list.

Maura's smile faded away as she read number three on the list. It read #3 – Tell her we can go back being best friends after tonight. Promise her you can act like it never happened and just go back to being best friends again. Make sure she really understands you're serious about this. Then she starts reading #4 . Which read – Make sure she knows you'll always love her no matter what happens that night. And that you will never mention anything or hold anything against her about that night . Not ever if she doesn't want her to. Maura was getting upset so she stops reading and asks Jane .

"How many best friends do you have Jane? I thought I was your only best friend?"

Jane gathers her courage together and answers Maura with all seriousness.

"You are my only best friend Maura."

Confused Maura rereads the list then looks at Jane.

"But it says on here that ..." Then it finally dawns on her. "You mean...Jane do you mean this is about...Oh Jane I...really? Because if you're joking , this is not funny Jane. So please tell me you aren't joking around?"

Jane tilts her head thinking about all the times she had joked around with her. She was feeling guilty for making Maura doubt her now. When she was being the very most serious about this than anything she had ever been in her life about anything. Maura looked at her with pleading eyes and waited for her to answer her.

Jane slowly nodded her head. "I'm not joking Maura. I've never been more serious in my life." Jane takes a deep deep breath in and lets it out.

"It's you Maura. It's always been you. I love you Maura. And if you give me one night I'll prove it to you. If you will let me. But first I'd like you to read everything on the list . And I hope everything on it sounds alright with you...So um after you get done reading the list. Tell me what you think and if you still want to you can give me the birthday present I wanted."

Maura looks stunned at Jane. She starts reading the list.

Jane stands up "Um I'm going to go outside and sit on the stoop I'll let you finish reading and deciding what you want to do. When you're ready come find me and let me know okay?"

Maura still dazed nods as she watches Jane walk out the door. Maura grabs the whiskey bottle and takes another big drink. She then sits back on the couch and starts reading the list. Maura sits reading the list top to bottom with a huge dimple filled smile on her face .


	2. Chapter 2

Future Soul

Chapter 2

Maura finishes reading Jane's list for her 'Just one night present' . She walks outside and sees Jane sitting on her stoop playing with Jo Friday. She sits down on the stoop next to Jane. She hands her list to her and pets Jo .

Jane hand begins shaking as she holds the list in her hand. She looks down at Jo and asks Maura.

"So what do you think? Did you read the list?"  
"Open it and look for yourself."

Jane's anxiety worsens as she thought of Maura reading her list. Her hand starts to visibly begins shaking. The list in her hand looks like it's blowing and flapping in a strong wind. But it's Jane's hand that is shaking out of her control. Maura watches the paper and puts her hands over Jane's to stop them from shaking the list. Maura's touch on her hands immediately calms her. Maura's touch had always calmed Jane, always.

"It's okay Jane just open the list and read it."

Jane stares down at her list in her own hand now. She was so afraid to open it and read a big no on it. Jane had asked at the bottom of the list , 'Do you want to try ?'

Maura gets impatient and reaches over and opens the list for Jane in her hand. Jane still nervous is afraid to focus her eyes on the paper. If it said no she was sure it would destroy everything she'd ever hoped for , like her ideal life spent with Maura .Which she had been dreaming and hoping to have with Maura.

Jane tried to focus her eyes on the paper but just seriously couldn't. Her eyes just refused to focus on the answer for her future. Maura watched as Jane struggled to read the list and couldn't. Maura grins and takes the list away from her.

"Would you like me to read the answer to you Jane?"

Jane embarrassed looks away hanging her head down but nods yes to Maura.

Maura breathes out a nervous breath and answers the question for Jane.

Maura softly whispers barely audible to Jane. "If you honestly think we can still be best friends the tomorrow morning ...then yes Jane. Yes! I would love to give you your birthday present."

Jane turns her head slowly to see if it really was Maura who had said yes to her.

"Really?"

Maura shakes her head yes. They gaze into each others eyes both wondering what the night will bring them both. Simultaneously they smile at each other then turn into giggles from them both.

The next day Angela was decorating the cafe for Jane's surprise 30th birthday party. Detective Crowe smirking gave Angela his nicely wrapped joke birthday present for Jane. Angela thanked him and put it in the big pile of presents for Jane on a table next to her birthday cake. Angela didn't know how much Jane and Crowe disliked each other. If she did she would've thrown away his gift for Jane. Because Angela wanted Jane to have the best birthday party ever.

Jane was pacing in front of the morgue doors waiting for Maura. She was nervous about seeing her. Jane thought for sure that after Maura had time to think about things she probably had changed her mind about spending the night with her.

Jane hears a click, click , clicking as Maura's heels hit the tile floors on her way to the morgue. As she turns the corner Maura sees Jane . Her arms are folded against herself as she chews on her thumb nail nervously she searches Maura's face to figure out if she changed her mind or not.

Maura grins seeing how nervous Jane was about tonight. She shakes her head disapproving of her biting her nail. She hits her hand away from her mouth to make Jane stop.

"Jane that is not healthy , the nails collect bacteria underneath them. The bacteria seeps and grows into the nails. Then you chew on them and it.."

Aggravated now Jane stops biting her nail and yells "Maura please stop! It's my birthday could you please stop with your Google -mouth, at least for birthday? You know that would be the perfect gift you can give me."

Jane stops as she realizes what she said. Maura's eyes get huge as she hears what Jane says too.

Maura laughs "I'll stop with my so-called Google -mouth but I think I'll stick with the original gift we discussed last night . If you still want that ?"

Jane nods her head fast "Yes , yes please . Sorry I didn't mean ….hell sorry I 'm ..I guess I'm just a little nervous , sorry Maura. Yes please one night with you is the only present I've ever wanted."

Maura rubs her hand on Jane's arm to calm her down .

"I know , I know Jane me too. Don't worry you'll get your present tonight."

"Okay let's go get the surprise party over with so we can go to your house." Jane takes Maura's hand leading her to the cafe.

Surprised Maura tries to lie to Jane about the surprise party.

"Surprise party? Jane there is no party. Remember Angela said she .."  
Jane stops her "C'mon Maura I know about the party. Frankie let it slip. We can stay for an hour then ….well then you can give me my present?"

Jane smirking raises an eyebrow looking at Maura waiting for an answer. Maura thinking about the present her face begins to blush. She tries to cover she turns away and covers her face with her hand.

An hour and a half later. Jane and Maura drive to her house . Each one was more nervous than the other about what the night would bring for them. Will it be the start of a relationship they both had fantasied about for so long. Or will it be the end of their beautifully synchronized friendship?

They walk in Maura's empty house. Jane made sure her mother wouldn't be at Maura's tonight. Angela was staying at Lt. Cavanaugh's tonight. Even Bass was staying overnight at his veterinarians for his routine check up. Jo Friday had a sleep over with Korsak's dog Baretta. So the house was theirs for the night.

In a nervous shaking voice Maura looks around and asks.

"Jane would you like to ...sit down?"

Jane shakes her head slightly and goes to sit down on the couch. Jane fidgets and straightens all her clothes as Maura sits down next to her.

Jane nervously chuckles "Um sorry I'm a little nervous. Just give me a minute to um...umm well to get started I guess."

Maura's laugh now sounding even more awkward and nervous than Jane's .

"Take your time Jane. We have ...all night."

Maura touches Jane's arm with her hand. They both jump slightly as they felt their chemistry turning into electric sparks running up and down through their veins. They make eye contact. Both of them smiling shyly turn away from one another.

Jane feeling embarrassed tries to joke her way out of her nervousness.

"Maura this is crazy. We shouldn't be this nervous around each other. We've known each other a long time."

"Yes Jane but as best friends not as lovers."

Jane cringes at the word lovers.

"Oh don't use that word please Maura just don't."

"Okay well then let's just try to relax a little."

"Yeah we've been friends , let's just act normal. But tonight we are just going to do something just a little different okay?"

Maura nods smiling but undressing Jane with her eyes. Jane starts fidgeting with her hands . Unconsciously checking each finger to make sure they are still there on her hand. Jane stares at Maura while she watches her fidgeting .

"Jane have I ever told you how beautiful your hands and..." Maura tries to swallow down her desire for Jane's fingers touch on her skin. "and how exquisite your fingers are Jane?"

Maura reaches over and caresses Jane's hand and fingers with her hand.

All Jane could manage to do was shake her head no. As she was feeling her arousal growing. Maura slides one hand down onto Jane's thigh. She slowly strokes and gently feels her way up until her fingers reaches their destination between Jane's legs. Maura stops as she feels something bulging between Jane's legs.

Curious Maura grins and asks as she fingers the object. Jane's face turns red as she had forgotten all about what she had between her legs. Only because she was so nervous about everything else.

"Um … Jane? Is this what I think it is?"

Jane red faced says "Um yeah ...but let me explain before you get mad?"

Maura interrupts with a devious little smirk on her face. "Oh I'm not mad, Jane. Curious though , yes. "

Jane sarcastically acts shocked "Maura! ….Really?"

They laugh at each others reactions. Maura points down to Jane's crotch again .

"Explain Jane? "

Jane smiles "Okay... Crowe thought he'd be the ass he always is and give me ...well what he thought was a joke present for my birthday. You were talking to Ma when I opened it. Of course it was a strap-on. Actually it is a pretty nice one too. I figured he would've gotten a ridiculously big neon one or something but he didn't. Anyways he and his buddies were laughing a little too much about it I thought. Sooooo ….I had to teach him a little lesson. I went and put on the strap-on. Then came back out to the party. I found Crowe and well proceeded to give him a good little humping from behind with it in front of his friends. It was a big hit with the rest of the party Crowe was a little upset though. So in the end so to speak he gave me a great gift after all…." Joking Jane says " But I guess I just forgot I was still wearing it until now. I'll go take it off."

Maura laughing "No! Oh no Jane don't take it off."

Maura puts her hand back down in between Jane's legs. She outlines the shape of the dildo with her fingers. Jane watches and gets more and more aroused.

"I'd say it's about the right size for you. What is it about eight inches?"

Jane gets embarrassed and shocked by Maura .

"The right size for me, really Maura did you really just say that? You know I'm a girl not a boy right?"

Maura chuckles and starts unzipping Jane's pants.

"Yes I know Jane. But I still want to see it. Can I?"

Jane play slaps her hand away from her zipper.

"Maura! God we haven't even kissed yet and your already diving between my legs."  
It was Maura's turn to be shocked at Jane's teasing. She clutches her chest with her hand acting shocked.

"Diving! I was not diving between your legs...well not yet."

They start giggling nervously still with one another. Maura stops and gets serious she looks at Jane.

"You're supposed to be showing me how much you care about me. So why don't you start and kiss me?" Maura smirks and adds "Then the diving can begin."

Jane smiles and slowly moves her face towards Maura's. At the same time the each lick their own lips in anticipation of their first kiss. Jane places one hand on Maura's face and cradles her cheek. Her other hand she places on the back of Maura's head pulls her in closer to her.

Jane whispers into Maura's lips "I love you Maura."

They both gasp as Jane's wet lips make soft contact with Maura's . As they separate they look longingly into one another s eyes and mouth breathlessly "Wow!" to each other. Maura stands up and extends one hand to Jane to take.

"Come Jane show me more of how you feel about us."

Jane smiles as she takes her hand and stands up. She feels her pants sliding down. She had forgotten to zip them back up after Maura unzipped her pants. Jane starts to zip her pants as they walk toward Maura's bedroom.

Maura laughs "Jane honey don't bother zipping them. I'm just going to unzip them again ….with my teeth."

Jane stumbles over her own feet when she pictures Maura unzipping her pants with her teeth. Maura laughs and pulls Jane up and forward into her bedroom.

Maura sits Jane on the bed as she lights the candles around the bedroom. Jane runs her fingers through her hair as she watches her light the final candle. She seductively blows out the match as she looks Jane up and down.

"Is this really happening Maura? It all feels like a dream...A dream I've had many times though. " Jane laughs.

Maura walks over to Jane whose sitting on the edge of the bed. She takes one knee and opens up Jane's legs and still standing walks in between them. She cups Jane's face with both hands and gives her a passionate kiss.

"Does that feel like it's happening Jane?"

Jane stunned by the passion in the kiss just nods yes. It is finally dawning on Jane she won't be able to joke her way through this.

But then she looks down in her lap remembering she's wearing the strap-on. Jane had no idea how to use it plus she had never even been with a woman before. She starts to panic as Maura's head moves to her neck and begins kissing and nipping up and down her neck. Emotions Jane had never experienced before were running throughout her body. All centering in between her legs it was pulsing and pounding out of control.

Maura backs away from Jane . She motions for her to get in the bed and lay down. Jane

starts to take off her boots but Maura squats down and slowly takes each boot off of Jane's feet for her. Maura then stands and reaches or her pants smiling. She leans down and with her teeth unzips Jane's pants the rest of the way. She pulls them down off of her . Maura stands straight up with the pants hanging down out of her mouth with her teeth still clenched around the zipper. She twists her head and throws the pants to the floor and smiles.

"Scoot back and lay down on the bed Jane."

Jane mesmerized at Maura right now would do anything she asked her to do. So she scoots back on the bed shoves a pillow under her head .

Maura turns her back to Jane and sits on the bed.

"Unzip me please."

Jane shoots up sitting straight up. She leans over watching her shaking hands unzip Maura's dress for her. Maura stands up and the dress slides easily off of her to the floor. Maura had not wore anything under the dress. Jane's eyes about pop out of her head as she tries to take in all the beauty of the sight of Maura's nude body in front of her.

Jane can feel her whole body vibrating in arousal as she watches Maura crawl into the bed with her.

"Lay down Jane."

"Maura you're so...incredibly gorgeous. I mean I always knew you were beautiful but Maura Omg woman ."

Maura laughs and straddles Jane's hips. The strap-on is underneath but the shaft is up against Maura's back. Every time she moves it hits up against her.

Jane is embarrassed by the strap-on "Let me take this off really Maura. I've never used one before , I don't know exactly how to use it. So let me take it off?"

Maura laughs and pushes Jane down on the bed on her back again.

"No leave it on. I'll show you what to do. Now take off your shirt and bra or I'll do it for you. Then lay down and relax."

Jane laughs and sits up and hurriedly rips off her shirt and unhooks her bra then throws it across the room . She then lays down smiling up at Maura as the shaft slightly bounces up and down a few times on her abs.

Maura bends down over the strap-on and takes the silicone shaft in her hand. She looks up and sees Jane laying with her hands behind her head smiling up at her . She licks her lips staring at Jane's breasts. She moves her hand off the shaft and runs both of her hands up Jane's body . She reaches her breasts and squeezes both at the same time. She bends down and kisses her lips. Maura trails her kisses down onto Jane's neck then slowly down to each nipple taking each one into her mouth and sucking on them.

Jane feels the pounding arousal between her legs. It was getting to be too overwhelming for her . She needed Maura to do something to alleviate the ache . But Jane wasn't sure what to ask Maura to do to her. Jane was internally cursing herself for her own inexperience . But she needed something anything .

"Maura please … I need you to ..I need you Maura pleaseeeee."

Maura smirks loving hearing Jane beg. "Okay baby I got you don't worry."

Maura slides down Jane's body. Her mouth reaches the silicone hard shaft. Maura begins licking it up and down the shaft slowly as Jane watched. Maura took the shaft all in her mouth and pumped it slowly in and out.

Jane thought the sight of Maura doing this was really hot. But it wasn't really doing anything physically for her. And she was really aching and needed more of Maura. Just as Jane was going to ask for something more she felt something.

Maura had placed the silicone shaft directly on top of Jane's clit and started moving it in circles. With her other hand she slid a finger into Jane's soaking wet folds between her legs.

Jane's hips starts to gyrate in circles trying to match Maura's hand on the shaft. Jane knew she was so close so she finally asked for what she never even knew she wanted and needed from Maura.

"Maura please inside me please...inside."  
Maura softly laughs and slides her finger inside Jane and then adds another finger as she curls it inside her.

That's all Jane could take as she cums she screams out "Maura ohhhh God!"

Maura leans down kissing Jane. She felt her own need taking her over and let out a small aching moan. Jane hears that and reaches under and grabs the silicone shaft and slowly enters it into Maura.

"Ohhh yes Jane!..mmm that feels ..."  
Jane thrusts her hips up and down . The shaft is thrusting in and out of Maura. She is moaning squeaking in pleasure as Jane gyrates her hips in different directions. Maura starts bouncing on the shaft at the same time Jane's thrusts get harder and faster into her.

Jane watches her as her amazing beautiful breast bounce and wiggle in front of her eyes. She thinks about all the times she wanted to reach out and hold them. She couldn't resist anymore. Jane reached up with both hands and squeezed in amazement how wonderful they felt and looked in her hands. She moved her fingers on to the nipples and squeezed them lightly and Maura screamed out as she started to cum.

"Jane! Oh Jesus yes oh I love you Jane."

Maura exhausted collapses and falls down on top of Jane after her orgasm. They both were gasping for breath. Maura rolls off Jane and lays in her arms. Maura's head in the crook of Jane's neck. Maura kisses Jane's neck then breathlessly says.

"Happy 30th birthday Jane." Maura laughs and snuggles more into Jane.

Jane smiles and teases "Thank you Maura. One down twenty-nine more times to go to complete my 30th birthday present right?"

"Tonight?"

"Yeah , no wait I'm old now. Let's do it tomorrow." Jane laughs and kisses Maura on top of her head.

"Thanks really Maura. I love you. This has been the best birthday anybody has ever had. The future looks good my soul is finally happy now"

"I love you too Jane. I guess we are definitely not going back to just being best friends. We're now lovers Jane."

Jane cringes at the word lover again. She teases Maura.

"Not if you keep using that word we won't. You keep using that word we go back to being best friends."

Maura and Jane break out laughing . Maura smiles and says

"Okay Jane are you ready for round two?"

Jane nods yes smiling with her dimples popping out happily.

.

.

. thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Future Soul

Ch- 3

Jane wakes up trying to focus her eyes to figure out where she was. Surprised by a noise Jane jumps as she hears a soft mumble as Maura is still asleep turns on her side towards Jane . The nights memories start flooding Jane's head. She feels something on her head. She reaches up and feels a party hat from her birthday party on her head. She smiles remembering what was about the fifth round between her and Maura where she made her smile by wearing the hat on various parts of her body while they were making love.

Taking off the hat Jane starts to smile but then reality of everything last night meant starts to hit her. She begins to panic as she is flooded with so many emotions at once. Guilt , regret and so much sadness seeping in her thoughts as a panic attack hits her. She slides out of the bed as quietly as she could not to wake Maura. She picks up her clothes gets dressed as fast and quietly as humanly possible.

Jane stands at the end of the bed fully dressed. She tries to calm herself down but the panic was taking her over. Breathing way too fast and hard she looks closely at Maura as she was reaching over and hugging the pillow she had just abandoned. Jane calms down as she tries to commit to memory how beautiful every inch of a naked Maura is as she lays tangled up in her sheets in her bed sleeping. Because she knows she'll never see Maura like this ever again once they go back to being best friends again.

Maura mumbles as her hand searches for her. " Jane, I'm cold come closer and hold me ."

With every atom in her body . Jane wishes she could strip off her clothes and slip back into bed and hold Maura in her arms forever. But she knows she can't stay with Maura.

She picks up a note pad and pen on the night stand. She writes , ' Sorry, I can't I just can't I'm so sorry. We can go back to being best friends again I hope.'

Jane takes one last look at her and runs out of the bedroom then out of the house in tears as her emotions run over and wins the battle.

A few miles away from the house her eyes fill with too many tears to drive anymore Jane pulls over into a nearby dog park and turns her engine off. She lets go of all her emotions at once. Almost in relief tears stream down her face as she gasps and lets out hauntingly series of sad moans. She felt as if her soul was leaking out in her tears leaving her empty inside.

Maura wakes up and searches with her hand for Jane . She brushes away her hair from her face and rubs the sleep from her eyes. She looks around and there is no sign of Jane.

"Jane where are you? Come back to bed."

She smiles remembering last night and adds "We need to go to ten . I want us to be in double digits in love making before we go back to work..."

No answer Maura gets up and puts on her robe to search for Jane. She sees the note Jane wrote on the night stand. She starts reading the note.

"No, no, no...No Jane!Don't you do this to us! Oh please Jane no..."

Maura falls back onto the bed . She crumples the note up in her hands and starts crying.

Jane composes herself just enough to see through her tear filled eyes to drive again.

Maura replays the night in her mind searching for what went wrong. She cannot think of anything . To her everything was perfect almost like a dream. She looks for her phone, She has to find Jane to find out what has changed her mind about them. She dials Jane's number...no answer . Maura didn't want to leave a message on voice mail or even text her. Maura wanted , no she needed to hear Jane's voice to understand if this was really happening to them. Upset Maura throws her phone across the room onto the floor .

Jane pulls up in front of Korsak's house. She straightens herself up the best she could and walks up to the house. Vince answers the door holding Jo Friday under his arm smiling at her. He sees that Jane has been crying but doesn't want to pry unless she wanted to tell him so he just simply asks.

"Everything okay Jane?"

Jane clears her throat hoarse from crying squeaks out nodding "Yeah Vince yeah I'm good. Um I came by to pick up Jo."

Vince hands her Jo. The little dog begins licking off the tear stains on Jane's cheek that she had missed wiping off.

"Thanks Korsak for watching her. Um...I'm kinda not feeling well. Could you tell them I'm not going to be able to work today."

Vince nods. "Yeah sure , you need anything. Can I do something?"

Jane starts walking to her car but says "No , no thanks though."

Jane and Jo drive away with Korsak worried watching them.

Maura decides to go try to find Jane. She takes a shower and gets dressed. As she is about to leave the doorbell rings. Maura's heart leaps in her chest. She hopes and prays it's Jane coming back to say it was all a misunderstanding. Maura runs to the door opens it saying.

"Lose your keys again Jane?"

Maura sees Megan the tortoise veterinarian standing there with Bass walking pass her into the house.

"Oh sorry I thought.. well I thought it was Jane."

"No sorry . I just wanted to drop off Bass . He passed all his tests so he is in great health."  
Maura a little embarrassed says "Thank you Megan."

Megan starts to leave but turns and says "Oh if you are looking for Jane. I saw her in the dog park with Jo a little while ago."

Maura eyes open wide at the news. She excitedly says

"Oh really? Thank you , thank you for everything."

Megan walks away but yells back "My pleasure, have a good day Dr. Isles."

Maura runs and feeds Bass . She bends down pets him says.

Bass honey I'm going to go get Jane and bring her here where she belongs. So eat your breakfast and I'll be back as soon as I can."

Maura stands up and starts walking to her car .She turns back to Bass and says

"Wish me luck honey, I'm not coming back without her."

Bass grunts and takes a bite out of his strawberry.

Maura drives to the dog park. She questions everybody there to see if Jane was had been there. She finds out Jane had left a couple hours ago. Maura now heads to Jane's apartment. Her anger was building toward Jane the closer she got to her apartment. Maura's head was filled with a massive bundle of confusion about last night. Maura hated being confused about anything let alone about Jane. That just aggravated her more as she stomped up the apartment steps in her heels.

Maura walking up to Jane's door heard music coming from inside. That angered her even more thinking Jane was having a good time and listening to music. But then she really heard the music. It wasn't the loud rock music Jane usually liked to listen to. Maura put her ear up against the door to hear better. It was slow sad song thought Maura at first. But the longer she stood there listening the more beautiful it became to her. But it was still sad almost heartbreaking sad. She felt a tear roll down her cheek. Which made her mad. She gathered her courage and unlocked the door and walked in the apartment.

"Jane! Jane where are you?"

Maura waited but didn't hear an answer. The music was getting louder as she walked into Jane's bedroom.

Maura was shocked at what she was seeing. It was Jane sitting on a piano bench playing a small piano. Jo Friday was curled around Jane's foot contently listening to Jane play the piano.

Jane didn't stop playing the piano and didn't even look at Maura.

"I thought you could...didn't play the piano anymore Jane? I didn't even know you had a piano in here. Is that built into your closet?"

Jane didn't answer she just kept playing the piano.

Maura started to yell but the song was so beautiful and sad it was breaking her heart even more. Tears rolling down her face as she caught a glimpse of tears rolling down the side of Jane's face too. All Maura could manage to say was "I love you. Why Jane?"

Jane finishes the song and slowly turns toward her. She wipes off her runny nose with the back of her hand and wipes it off on the leg of her pants. She sniffs loudly and clears her throat. She looks up a a Maura in shambles staring down at her and softly and sounding almost guilty says.

"Maura...you just got too close. Way , way too close okay?"

Maura wipes away her tears and gets angry.  
"Too close? Are you kidding me? You asked me to get that close. What is the real problem Jane please, please tell me. We can work it out. Just tell me."

" I can't ...I can't Maura...I don't know how to handle it . It's too much. You were supposed to say no to me. Everyone that's ever got this close to me … well I could always make them go away so they wouldn't want to be with me. But you...you Maura. Why didn't you just say no . And go away like the rest always have? I'm just not good enough for you. I'm a detective, that's what I am okay? And I have to be really tough to be a detective. And I can't if I'm with you. I can barely do it just being best friends with you. But in a relationship with you...no just no I can't."

Maura sits down on the piano bench next to Jane. She is starting to understand now why Jane did what she did. But she wasn't going to let Jane get away with it. She was going to call her on it.

So she puts one arm around Jane and looks her in the eyes smiles and says " Bullshit Jane. Try again I'm not going away."

Shocked Jane's mouth drops open as she looks at Maura .

"What? Are you kidding me?"

Jane lips start curling up at the edges into a smile and teases "I don't know whose the most crazy anymore you or me. But I haven't told you everything yet so you might be going away soon. Don't get too comfortable there okay?"

Maura chuckles "Keep trying tough girl. I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me. I will always , always love you Jane."

Jane gives her a quick kiss. "Yeah we'll see after you know everything about me... all the dark corners in me will send you running trust me. But I do love you too Maura."

"Tell me Jane and I'll shine a light on all my scary dark corners for you too."

Jane smiles "It's a deal we will see who runs first then I guess."

Maura smiles nodding and points at the piano "First tell me about this. When and why did you start playing again? And why didn't you tell me? And why..."

Jane stops her laughing "Okay , okay God, one question at a time...Oh just one thing. When we go back to work we're just best friends okay?"

Maura scrunches up her face "What? No Jane. Huh uh no."

"Maura c'mon don't make up your mind until I've told you everything okay?"

"Okay...maybe Jane. But we can still make love right? You know while I'm deciding , okay?"

They both laugh as Maura leans in for another kiss.

...


	4. Chapter 4

FuTuRE S0uL

chapter - 4

Jane and Maura spent the next week wrapped up in a case ,trying to solve a triple homicide. They hadn't had a chance to discuss their relationship. Maura was desperate to talk to Jane. Because she could see Jane already was pulling herself away from her. She knows Jane wants to go back to being best friends. But she wasn't going to let that happen without a fight.

By Friday they had found the suspect and got him to confess to the murders. Afterward Jane quickly finished up her paperwork on the case. She sprinted out of the precinct to get home without talking to Maura. She needed a little peace and quiet alone to try to figure things out . She needed to find out how things were between her and Maura. And where relationship was heading in their future.

Once home Jane grabbed herself a beer and plopped down on her couch. She turns on Red Sox game takes a long drink from her beer. She let's out a long breath relieved thinking she was finally alone .

'knock on door'

Maura let's herself into Jane's apartment. She sees Jane sitting with beer in hand and feet propped up on her coffee table.

"Hi , Jane can I come in?"

Jane looks up sees Maura smiling standing at the door holding up a six pack of her favorite beer in her hand . Jane grins and waves her over to the couch.

"You trying to bribe me with beer ?"

Maura goes over and sits down next to Jane on the couch. She holds out one of the bottles of beer to Jane.

"No , but if it works then yes I am. So Jane are you ready to talk now?"

Jane teases as she takes the bottle from Maura. She opens it and takes a long drink from the fresh cold beer.

"Maybe after I finish the six pack."

Maura whines "Jane...please talk to me."

"Fine...Maura I guess I owe you a explanation. I'll try okay?"

Maura nods and wiggles her body back and forth to get comfortable on the couch. Jane sits up and rubs her hands together . She nervously runs her fingers over her scars on her hands .

"Maura , I am what I am. I am..."

Maura tries to help her " You've become what you're afraid of ?"

Defensively Jane asks quickly "What? What do you think I'm afraid of Maura huh ,what?"

Maura puts one hand on Jane's shoulder to calm her.

"Jane ..I think you're feeling more like victim than a detective. And that scares you doesn't it? But Jane you're strong. You are the strongest person I've ever known Jane."

Jane shakes her head no as she stares into her bottle of beer avoiding Maura's stare.

"I'm strong everywhere else but not with you Maura. That's what scares me. I do , I guess I kinda feel like a victim lately. I can't feel that way anymore , I'm sorry . I just can't Maura."

"You told me once Jane . We don't give into the fear. Because if we do we will die a little bit every day."

Maura waits for a reaction from Jane. But Jane just nods and takes another drink from her beer and sits back on the couch. After a few minutes of silence from them both. Jane has gathered enough courage to tell Maura the whole truth. Hoping it will get her to want to be best friends again instead of lovers.

Jane clears her throat loudly and looks back at Maura and smiles once .

"Okay , well here goes . I'm going to turn myself inside out for you now. If you still want me after this...well you won't anyways. So here goes … no , no never mind. Maura , can't you just trust me . Can't we just go back to being best friends?"

Maura is getting angry thinking Jane just doesn't want her . It was just like her whole life growing up when nobody was wanting to get close to her. A single tear rolls down her cheek as she remembers all the hurtful memories. She tries to wipe off the tear before Jane sees it. But it was too late as Jane turns and sees her wiping it away.

"No Maura, please don't waste any more tears on me. I'm not worth it ."

Jane takes over wiping the tears from Maura cheek. But that only causes her to cry more as she struggles to speak to Jane. Between sobs and gasps for air , Maura pleads to her.

"You are so worth it...to me you are. Jane, I love you so much. Please give us a chance."

Jane holds her and calms her down as they both sit back into the couch. After she calms down Jane sits up and looks her in the eyes . Knowing she owes Maura an explanation.

"Well here goes then, the whole truth. Oh God I can't believe I'm going to tell you all this. You sure you want to hear it?"

Maura can't help but smile and nod her head yes at her. Because Jane looked so cute and was squirming like a little girl looking back at her.

" Alright her goes...again." Jane laughs nervously at herself.

"It's okay just take your time Jane."

"Okay but don't judge me just listen first to everything Maura?"

" Of course I will . I would never judge you Jane . Have I ever judge you about anything before?"

"No but...okay"

Jane breaks eye contact with her and stares again at her beer bottle.

"Maura I'm not sure where to begin... Um okay um Hoyt I guess I'll start with him. I never knew what feeling completely helpless felt like before him. When I was laying on the ground with those scalpels stuck through my hands and into the ground...I had no gun, no power , nothing Maura I was empty and shaking. I couldn't control anything not even my own thoughts. I was sure he was going to kill me. I swore I would never ever let myself feel that out of control again."

Maura places a hand on Jane's back and says.

"And you feel that way with me? I'm sorry but you shouldn't feel that way Jane. I trust you with my life."

Jane nods her head and continues trying to explain herself to Maura.

" I know Maura you wouldn't purposefully do that. What I'm trying to explain though it's a combination of a lot of things. Hoyt is just one part. The next and hardest to admit is , I'm a runner. What I mean is I've always ran after getting close to someone. You know by close I mean sex. After I had sex with a boyfriend I'd always get up and leave as fast as I could ..I don't know why exactly. Maybe because I felt too vulnerable ,out of control or something. But I always panic and run. And that's what I did with you too Maura . I'm so sorry about that but I couldn't help it."

Maura sits up trying to take in what Jane's telling her.

"That's okay we've gotten pass that now. So you run after the first time you have sex with someone. We're pass that now. Everything is good now."

"No I ... run every time after sex. See you don't need someone like me in your life whose like that."

"Wow every time?Why Jane?"

"I don't know I'm just weird like that I guess. You know...no forget it ."

Maura hugs Jane so she wouldn't run away and whispers in her ear.

"You can tell me anything. I won't judge I promise"

Jane pulls out of the embrace . "I've only had a handful of relationships in my whole life Maura. And well I only had sex with them a few times each before breaking up with them or pushing them away. So I ...I don't know.. I guess I just keep running never really getting close with anyone. But you see with you . With you I can't run because we work together and well to be honest I don't want to run. But I'm so afraid that I will, and I will end up hurting you. So you see I can't , we need to go back being best friends okay?"

Maura takes the beer from Jane's hand and takes a drink. She hands the bottle back and says smiling.

"No I don't think so. Let's see and review what you told me."

Jane throws up her hands in defeat and laughs "Really? Okay go ahead."

"No Jane seriously let's examine this step by step. First Hoyt made you feel helpless ..understandable. Then only a few past boyfriends that you ran from because they made you feel what vulnerable? So what that means you're feeling like you're a helpless, vulnerable and a inexperienced lover that runs. Is that accurate?"

Jane is shocked and a little insulted .

"Inexperienced lover? Really ? Did you really just say that?"

Maura let's a small laugh escape from her lips as she smiles and teases Jane.

"Well yes Jane . Very inexperienced , you said it yourself you've only had sex a few times with each boyfriend. And you've only had a few boyfriends. So yes I'd consider that inexperienced. Especially with women I mean Jane really I'm the only woman you've ever been with, so very inexperienced , um … yes you are."

Jane smiles and shakes her head at Maura knowing she is teasing her . Jane stands up and stretches out her arm and points to her bedroom.

"Get in my bed now! I'll show you just how inexperienced I am."

Maura covers her mouth with her hand to hide her laughing from Jane. She gets up and walks slowly in front of Jane to her bedroom.

Both stripping their clothes off themselves on the way to Jane's bedroom.

Both naked as they reach the edge of the bed. Maura reaches up and cups Jane's face in her hand and takes one finger and caresses the cleft in her chin.

"Jane I was only teasing you know that right? You're an amazing lover. And I want to see this cleft going slowing over me in one very specific spot on me...and soon."

Maura crawls into the bed and admires Jane's body and seductively curls one finger at Jane.

"Come here Jane and prove to me you're not so inexperienced."

Jane laughs out loud and crawls into the bed with Maura. Jane strokes the cleft in her chin as they both break out laughing Jane says into a kiss with Maura.

"Now show me exactly where you'd like this cleft of mine to travel over on you?"

Maura smiles "Where's your handcuffs. I don't want you running anywhere after."

Jane raises one eyebrow smirks at Maura then reaches in her nightstand pulling out the handcuffs and twirls them on one finger.

.

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.A/N- thanks for reading!


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